The perfect Pakistani 'Political Biryani'

Yes,I love food and especially Biryani but I live in a land where they make 'Biryani' out of everyone as well,the 'political' one. No,no they dont kill people,grind their teeth out,collect gushed blood,add it to rice and pour spices of all sorts and serve it in Balochistan as we're not cannibals and No,i dont intend to make horror movie as well. Instead all it takes are few stupid politicians,khaki goons,political connoisseurs,Islamists, The agencies, imported ministers, jangling media,big headed bureaucracy and good for nothing Judiciary. All these ingredients make perfect Pakistani Political Biryani.

Its tasty according to Khakis,agencies and Islamists,sour according to bureaucracy,media and connoisseurs,bitter according to politicians, judiciary and for the people ? well its just another biryani spoon fed to them for their 'supposed' betterment and it works well for us as we sleep tight without caring about anything or anyone. We truly love this Biryani.

Now about Ingredients:-

4 table spoon worth of military coups by Khakis.
countless table spoon worth of shenanigans by Agencies.
few table spoon worth of stupidity by judiciary and politicians.
retardedness by  media and political connoisseurs
Huge amount of spice added by Islamists.

All the ingredients are so important that one or two not added may result in 'better' Pakistan,could easily get rid of the effects of other ingredients as well but we dont want that,we want perfect 'political' biryani hence we look at how these ingredients work their way out for "Chat pata" political biryani.Khakis add a flavor of coups after crapload of stupidity shown by politicians who frankly dont know how to run the country but khakis are not different,they change the taste of biryani so much that one would puke. Khakis says 'If you dont puke,you are insulting our biryani' and hence politicians ,few retarded political connoisseurs end up in oven or in other words jail as these senile connoisseurs and politicians make our biryani very tasty for Islamists as they work with Khakis in introducing a very unique taste that ends up killing people a lot as they add a very sour and perhaps bit bitter spice as well known as religion into it.In the end there is another Ingredient as Bureaucracy and media add a very reactionary taste to spices added by Khakis  only for them to end up being out of control and never really improving any image of Pakistan or our biryani.

Our biryani looks ugly,it taste suck to be very honest but we love it as it represents every Pakistani from inside out. Its the world's only Biryani that no one wants to take a bite from because we are that much effective. So let us rejoice again and again as we continue to make an awfully 'brilliant' biryani,serve it to Pakistanis and to the world as we truly suck just like our final product, half eaten ,lacking in substance with too many cooks spoiling the broth but worthy of making others puke :)

All for Ummah !

        Islamic Republic of Pakistan or in Urdu as we say "Islami Jamhooria Pakistan" is a country mostly known for being the melting pot of different ethnic groups and of course our very own prized asset, The Jihadis. The thing is, our so called Islami Jamhooria Pakistan is not "Islami",neither "Jamhoori" and perhaps not even "Pak" leaving just "Stan" or in other simple words,a land and in our case that barren land that has apparently done nothing to garner her image which we could have but instead we looked sideways,upwards and thought perhaps we have a sofa to sit on only to fall down flat due to our very own inflated ego bruised,crushed and desperately looking for someone to pick us up.
The fact we decided to own,actually "OWN" our religion for the "supposed" betterment of Islamic Ummah is one main reason it lead to all this. Not only were we able to get support from thousand upon thousands of great Muslims,the actual "Allah ke Naek Banday" the Mujahids from Arabia and as far as central asian states,we were able to defeat Infidel Soviets and we got them good and trust me being a secular guy,I do think we got the soviets real good but then I am a Pakistani which means I have my fair share of inflated ego as well but oh well as long as I like 'very few' Pakistanis continue to realize our mistakes of owning religion and barging onto take "Panga" with a great super power for no apparent reason(Soviets may have attacked us is NO reason at all,me thinks) then I think there is some hope left as few sane Pakistanis  may very well get ourselves out from deep doodle. Wishful thinking ? IT IS !
The fact that we decided to eat grass as Great Bhutto once said is one such reason as well. Not only we were and are jealous of India but instead we looked at them with great apathy and to some extent rightly so as well since our neighbor have not been the best neighbor so far but then how are we any different ? We went nuclear,played havoc with Afghanistan as it was before Zia ul Haq that Zulfiqar Ali bhutto actually started Jihad there and to an extent made it our very own unofficial fifth province. But we did it all for Islamic ummah as Afghans were lying next to a shinning star,the protege of Islamic Ummah called Pakistan hence we thought it was our duty to do some good to them. Voila,Afghans today are our best friends and recent Afghan plus NATO skirmishes on bordering province of Kunar leading to Afghan military shelling our military posts is a sign of their great friendship.
The fact that we decided not to give autonomy to any province,went ahead with centralized system in Pakistan lead to Bengalis,yes those "Kalay kalotay chotay tidey Bengalis" as our rulers thought of them pre-1970 , getting their own independent state. Also by going ahead with military operations in Balochistan in almost every decade,carpet bombing Balochistan which in 1970's lead to 15000 Balochs being killed. Today not just Balochistan but not a single province enjoys Autonomy in Pakistan and yes Punjab and Sindh do not at all enjoy Autonomy as well but we did it all for Ummah.
We as a nation must realize that our very own actions that lead to our undoing and perhaps if we stop misusing the very religion which supposedly should have united us,we can still save Pakistan but Alas Ummah matters,yes those Arabs,those Chechens,those Afghans,those muslim Indians etc etc matter more than Pakistanis. In the end,we did it all for Ummah. God indeed made us generous !