Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The perfect Pakistani 'Political Biryani'

Yes,I love food and especially Biryani but I live in a land where they make 'Biryani' out of everyone as well,the 'political' one. No,no they dont kill people,grind their teeth out,collect gushed blood,add it to rice and pour spices of all sorts and serve it in Balochistan as we're not cannibals and No,i dont intend to make horror movie as well. Instead all it takes are few stupid politicians,khaki goons,political connoisseurs,Islamists, The agencies, imported ministers, jangling media,big headed bureaucracy and good for nothing Judiciary. All these ingredients make perfect Pakistani Political Biryani.

Its tasty according to Khakis,agencies and Islamists,sour according to bureaucracy,media and connoisseurs,bitter according to politicians, judiciary and for the people ? well its just another biryani spoon fed to them for their 'supposed' betterment and it works well for us as we sleep tight without caring about anything or anyone. We truly love this Biryani.

Now about Ingredients:-

4 table spoon worth of military coups by Khakis.
countless table spoon worth of shenanigans by Agencies.
few table spoon worth of stupidity by judiciary and politicians.
retardedness by  media and political connoisseurs
Huge amount of spice added by Islamists.

All the ingredients are so important that one or two not added may result in 'better' Pakistan,could easily get rid of the effects of other ingredients as well but we dont want that,we want perfect 'political' biryani hence we look at how these ingredients work their way out for "Chat pata" political biryani.Khakis add a flavor of coups after crapload of stupidity shown by politicians who frankly dont know how to run the country but khakis are not different,they change the taste of biryani so much that one would puke. Khakis says 'If you dont puke,you are insulting our biryani' and hence politicians ,few retarded political connoisseurs end up in oven or in other words jail as these senile connoisseurs and politicians make our biryani very tasty for Islamists as they work with Khakis in introducing a very unique taste that ends up killing people a lot as they add a very sour and perhaps bit bitter spice as well known as religion into it.In the end there is another Ingredient as Bureaucracy and media add a very reactionary taste to spices added by Khakis  only for them to end up being out of control and never really improving any image of Pakistan or our biryani.

Our biryani looks ugly,it taste suck to be very honest but we love it as it represents every Pakistani from inside out. Its the world's only Biryani that no one wants to take a bite from because we are that much effective. So let us rejoice again and again as we continue to make an awfully 'brilliant' biryani,serve it to Pakistanis and to the world as we truly suck just like our final product, half eaten ,lacking in substance with too many cooks spoiling the broth but worthy of making others puke :)

Friday, 22 July 2011

Republic of Load shedding

So as I write this,Ive already faced some 14 hours of load shedding today and I am not alone as 180 million others suffer the same fate as well.
Who knew the 8th nuclear country in this world be suffering from it so you know,you dont have to look further as we are talking about Pakistan after all. The land of load shedding,economy in deep slumber,corruption,the Khakis and of course the jihadis but oh well,Pakistanis have this deep knack of taking it all in,absorbing it and still coming out of it standing. But here's whats more interesting ,The fact that Pakistanis do come out on streets for protests and government still not doing enough to save the people from such misery which apparently has made us more lethargic to our very own misfortunes which outshines this simple problem of load shedding,after all we have million other more important problems at helm as well but oh well I wont discuss those issues as I am going to talk about load shedding because apparently it has made my life a living hell as well,I cant do my assignments on time,I cannot use internet for my work,I cant print my work out because of it etc .I am after all part of those 180 million lazy buggers though i think i am less lazy and perhaps the only one who is more lazy than us is probably our government itself as for them we dont matter. We the sheeps of this land dont matter as wolves from the surrounding forest known as world target us from time to time ; Americans and Jihadis do it and they make nice "Pakistan-saji" out of us. If they make saji out of us then Load shedding, Zardari & Co makes Biryani out of us and we make some awesome biryani. Now things are looking bright or do they ? since we're over Raja Pervez Ashraf's "One-year-for-Load shedding-to-end" rant as WAPDA chairman has announced to make perfect "Pulao" of us for next 7 years to finally put an end to our misery and get rid of load shedding which in my honest opinion has made our behavior rather 'whorish' and if you still do not know shenanigans of Pakistan 'Internationally' then you are probably another Raja Pervez ashraf lying to us and yourself and perhaps deserve a nice vacation in nearest Mental institution.
We all know Pakistan has this huge amount of natural resources at helm but we dont do anything about it. In fact the gas that we get from Sui is not even available in Sui in the first place so how are we any different from Imperialists and age old colonialists ? I dont think we are. What about Kalabagh dam ? apparently Sindh and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa has this ego-problem hence they cant see Pakistanis ever be happy and if they dont have any problem then God alone knows why they're against it because apparently for ANP goons,their city Nowshera was drowned not by KBD but by Floods(which could have been controlled by KBD) and as for sindh ? well "Punjab-Takes-everything" rant continues while poor sindhis continue to face load shedding. They need no electricity, all they need is "darshan" of "Sayien Zardari" and "Bhutto sayien" and they're well and good. What about Punjab government ? They're busy in making Ferozepur road fly over in Lahore and they dont have time for any other place so let it be. We need electricity but we are not willing to utilize our time and resources for it. For how long we are going to cry out loud "WAPDA te Bomb wajay" ? for how long we have to wait to finally make dams and power plants for water and electricity ? But whatever the case,Let poor Pakistanis suffer as we look rather good with those stupid faces crying all day for bit of mercy that we even fail to get from other countries and even God.
For now,Load shedding will continue and we have no one to blame except ourselves. Pakistan has written "Bhaar mein jaye" all over her and that is our fate !

Monday, 18 July 2011

The plight of Punjab !

I am going to talk about my land,my home province of Punjab. The land of  Sufis like Bulleh Shah,Shah Hussain,Waris shah,Sultan bahu etc ,the land of Epic folklore like Heer Ranjha, Sonhi mahiwal  and Mirza Sahiba,the land of Martial races like Rajputs,Jatts,Gujjars etc,The land of Poetery, Spirituality, Cuisine,Music,Martial traditions,Epic culture, Architecture,Values and this does'nt end here as Punjab possess history that goes way before 5000 years.
Today Punjab is divided between Indian and Pakistan and the last division took place in 1947' based on religion as millions of Ethnic Punjabis who were muslims,the hindus,the sikhs and the jains laid their lives, left their homes and moved to new countries.My family too left our East Punjab(Patiala) and moved to new west Punjab in Lahore. Faced hardships of all sorts but in the end it never made any difference as we were still breathing the same Punjabi air except the city and towns were new but culture,traditions and languages were all same .But Im only going to talk about Pakistan and especially Punjab as just like every other ethnic group here,Punjabis too suffer the brunt from ethnic cleansing in Balochistan to deep stereotypes,not having real autonomy over their land and not getting their due rights that Muhammad Ali jinnah promised to everyone in Pakistan.
There is no doubt that Punjab is the most populous and perhaps the most developed province of Pakistan but its development should be gauged due to its high population. Had Punjab been less in population,it would have been in ruins like Balochostan which I think is truly the only province which suffered more than anyone in Pakistan,more than Punjab,sindh or Khyber Pakhtunkhwa. Punjabis still languish in age old feudal shackles of Jageerdars as well. Punjab is not just Lahore,Rawalpindi,Faislabad or Multan etc but from upper Punjab to lower Punjab,the rural areas which feed entire Pakistan are not much different from Balochistan,FATA or Internal sindh.Punjab contributes almost 60% to Pakistan's economy and another fact remains that Punjab which was once known as the Granary of the south Asia feeds Pakistan as Agriculture lands here in Punjab accounts for 21% of Pakistan's GDP,80% for country's total export earnings,a major share in agriculture economy by producing 83% cotton,80% wheat,97% aromatic rice,63% sugarcane, 51% Maize,66% mangoes,95% of citrus,guava 82% and dates 34% a major share in the agricultural economy of the country. In short,Punjab too feeds Pakistan and had Punjab complete autonomy then if others demand full rights for their own resources,Punjab too should be able to make her own decisions if they want their OWN food to be distributed to the rest. There is no greater resources given by God then that of food and Punjab possess it in abundance so why should not Punjabis have it for themselves ?
Second,Punjab again possess five river which are now reduced to mere three so Punjab being the granary of Pakistan need more water as well so why should not it get more water ,after all she is producing more food for Pakistan so when Punjab talks about Kalabagh dam,others talk about dividing Punjab so have it their way so when Punjab will be divided into most probably 'Seraiki-Rohi soobah' and Bahawalpur Province so why do people think these two wont ask for water ever so who will the rest blame next time around ? Seraikis or people of Bahawalpur for their own misfortune ? so why double standards and why cant they be like Punjabis,work hard and move on once and for all instead of beating the banter again and again on 'Punjab neh Yeh kardia,woh kardia etc'
Third, No province in Pakistan enjoys autonomy so what if Punjab wants autonomy then what ? An autonomous Punjab should be there so that Punjabis can have their own resources for themselves and then distribute it to others on their OWN terms. Same goes for other provinces so that then they'll know if Food is bigger resources or same old Oil and gas.

Fourth,Urdu is NOT Punjab's language ,Punjabi,seraiki and Potohari are Punjab's regional languages while Majority speak Punjabi. Nationalist parties have always maintained that Urdu should be limited to Punjab so I ask them why Punjab ? Why cant Punjabis learn and study their own languages but there is a problem because since Pakistan came into being when british left,Pakistan adopted the same british policies so much so 150 year old ban on Punjabi language in Punjab is still in place so when Sindhis can learn sindhi in their schools or when pashto can be taught in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa(that too recently) then why cant Punjabis ? during Ranjeet Singh's rule,every house hold had to have "Punjabi qaida" but today Punjabis cant even learn their own languages hence you have different parties,nationalist parties finally stepping up in Punjab as well. One such group is known as "Punjabi Language Movement". This group is ran by Nazeer Kahut who believes in Punjab having autonomy,Punjabi language being taught in schools,the control of punjab's resources ALONE in Punjab's hands etc. So if others have ANP,JSQM,BNP,we have PLM as well though not as popular as others but the initiative is brilliant to start with. Punjabi language is vanishing slowly from Punjab and the act is a deliberate one by Pakistani government as the government from 47' onwards have imposed Urdu language on different ethnic groups in Pakistan. Of course being Pakistanis,we love urdu as well as it connects with others but our regional mother tongues are older and more advanced than Urdu. So,Punjabi along with Sindhi,Seraiki,balochi and pashto must be Pakistan's national languages as well.India is a country that does not even possess sindh province have Sindhi as one of her 15 national languages so why cant Pakistan learn from India in this regard and treat ethnic groups equally.

Lastly, Punjabis are hated for the wrong reasons and there is no doubt that others especially  Balochs have suffered way too much but Punjabis too are suffering and they want their rights as well.Historically Punjab and Sindh were part of same Indus valley civilization hence are distant cousins as well,Also historically the relationships of Punjab and Balochistan have been great because famous Baloch hero Mir Chakar rind is buried in Punjab near Sahiwal and Okara and his descendants today speak Punjabi as their first language in Punjab. Even if we consider Seraiki as Punjabi's dialect then most seraikis too consist of people of Baloch lineage hence more balochs are in Punjab then Balochs in actual Balochistan.So much so,Current Punjab governor Sardar Latif Khosa too is Seraiki of Baloch lineage. Though there are a lot of misconceptions and hate is there as well especially when one dictator killed a famous baloch politician Mir Nawab Bugti but over all,a common Punjabi suffers the same fate as Baloch. Same goes for pashtuns of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and Sindhis as Pashtuns in FATA are targeted by Taliban,drones and Pakistan military while sindhis have been treated like red-indians in their own home province of Sindh.

In the end,for better Pakistan ,every province MUST enjoy autonomy to the fullest and that Punjab in particular should enjoy it more as well especially ban should be lifted on learning Punjabi language so that we can have better future for Punjab and Pakistan. But if it should continue as it is continuing then perhaps yesterday was Bengal,tomorrow may very well be Balochistan's and Punjab's turn.So who would like to see 'Republic of Punjab' next time around ? Being a proud Pakistani,i dont want that but do want an autonomous Punjab for myself and millions of other Punjabis because Habib Jalib's Punjab is soon going to wake up and when it does,im afraid it will be too late...

Friday, 15 July 2011

Dr. Mirza,The Mad One !

Karachi burns again and not after few months but only two days after recent spate of Target killings and who's responsible ? former Home minister Sindh,Dr Zulfiqar Mirza or the Mad One as I like to call him because that is who he is,a callous,racist,chauvinist,bigoted and very intolerant good for nothing politician who is not only a bane on Sindh but entire Pakistan. If you all have not yet seen or heard his recent comments then look no further and check this out as He continous with his stupid and racist comments against one group after meeting with ANP's head in Sindh ,Shahi Syed. Little did he realize that he has the blood of  15 people on his hands as protestors ravaged Karachi and this time Hyderabad as well .He has already apologized over video statement but why should we care now ? This is not the first time when this man has come up with such retarded comments as no one can forget his tirade when Benazir Bhutto got assassinated as he wanted to break Pakistan. But people moved on and PPP made him Home minister of Sindh Province but he did not stop there as he continued to lock horns with another party that pretty much does politics on ethnicity as well and the battle for being the bigger racist went on and on until MQM decided that they must move on to other provinces for betterment which is very commendable by the way until Karachi saw another spate of killings recently that resulted in killings of more than 100 people in four days as MQM and ANP fought after MQM quit the coalition in center and provincial cabinet but Dr.Mad One had another thing in mind and Voila not only he cemented his place as being the most racist person and politician in Pakistan but also made sure he gets no respect anymore because trust me this guy deserves nothing as he is putting the lives of innocent Karachites and Sindhis at stake. He does not know that it was Sindh province that first accepted Pakistan resolution and that Qauid E Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah was a sindhi himself and who can forget Zulfiqar Ali bhutto or Benazir Bhutto but Dr.Mad One made sure that he does not deserve any respect. Today Sindh and Pakistan is shameful because of her son but of course we like always will move on but what about those 15 families who suffered only because of what this man has to say. Shame Dr.Mirza shame on you !

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

All for Ummah !

        Islamic Republic of Pakistan or in Urdu as we say "Islami Jamhooria Pakistan" is a country mostly known for being the melting pot of different ethnic groups and of course our very own prized asset, The Jihadis. The thing is, our so called Islami Jamhooria Pakistan is not "Islami",neither "Jamhoori" and perhaps not even "Pak" leaving just "Stan" or in other simple words,a land and in our case that barren land that has apparently done nothing to garner her image which we could have but instead we looked sideways,upwards and thought perhaps we have a sofa to sit on only to fall down flat due to our very own inflated ego bruised,crushed and desperately looking for someone to pick us up.
The fact we decided to own,actually "OWN" our religion for the "supposed" betterment of Islamic Ummah is one main reason it lead to all this. Not only were we able to get support from thousand upon thousands of great Muslims,the actual "Allah ke Naek Banday" the Mujahids from Arabia and as far as central asian states,we were able to defeat Infidel Soviets and we got them good and trust me being a secular guy,I do think we got the soviets real good but then I am a Pakistani which means I have my fair share of inflated ego as well but oh well as long as I like 'very few' Pakistanis continue to realize our mistakes of owning religion and barging onto take "Panga" with a great super power for no apparent reason(Soviets may have attacked us is NO reason at all,me thinks) then I think there is some hope left as few sane Pakistanis  may very well get ourselves out from deep doodle. Wishful thinking ? IT IS !
The fact that we decided to eat grass as Great Bhutto once said is one such reason as well. Not only we were and are jealous of India but instead we looked at them with great apathy and to some extent rightly so as well since our neighbor have not been the best neighbor so far but then how are we any different ? We went nuclear,played havoc with Afghanistan as it was before Zia ul Haq that Zulfiqar Ali bhutto actually started Jihad there and to an extent made it our very own unofficial fifth province. But we did it all for Islamic ummah as Afghans were lying next to a shinning star,the protege of Islamic Ummah called Pakistan hence we thought it was our duty to do some good to them. Voila,Afghans today are our best friends and recent Afghan plus NATO skirmishes on bordering province of Kunar leading to Afghan military shelling our military posts is a sign of their great friendship.
The fact that we decided not to give autonomy to any province,went ahead with centralized system in Pakistan lead to Bengalis,yes those "Kalay kalotay chotay tidey Bengalis" as our rulers thought of them pre-1970 , getting their own independent state. Also by going ahead with military operations in Balochistan in almost every decade,carpet bombing Balochistan which in 1970's lead to 15000 Balochs being killed. Today not just Balochistan but not a single province enjoys Autonomy in Pakistan and yes Punjab and Sindh do not at all enjoy Autonomy as well but we did it all for Ummah.
We as a nation must realize that our very own actions that lead to our undoing and perhaps if we stop misusing the very religion which supposedly should have united us,we can still save Pakistan but Alas Ummah matters,yes those Arabs,those Chechens,those Afghans,those muslim Indians etc etc matter more than Pakistanis. In the end,we did it all for Ummah. God indeed made us generous !

Thursday, 7 July 2011

What is wrong with Karachi ?

So as I write this ,i cannot help but glance over and over again at television as various channels are reporting recent target killings in Pakistan's largest city Karachi. The recent figures I have with me are in fact 41 since last two days,YES 41 are dead and figures are expected to rise. For any Pakistani who has love for his country and every city with in cannot understand how come Karachi suffers this much,way too much than other cities like Lahore,Islamabad,Multan or even Peshawar as these cities ,though face terrorism related activities on daily basis along with Karachi but Karachi suffers at the hands of very people who vowed to protect it but we all know where their vow took us. So much so,target killings are so rampant that we do not get to hear about them after years but actually on monthly basis so much so that only in first half of this year ,more than thousand have been killed already. So is this even acceptable to say the least or do we need military operation against the very same people who have been directly responsible for such deaths. According to news all over Pakistan the culprits mainly are MQM and ANP. One talks about owning Karachi while mostly cater to needs of city's main ethnic group ,the Urdu speakers while ANP is Pakhtun nationalist party again catering needs to Pakhtun population of the city, so much the usual rants of 'Hindustani,Matarways ,Akhrots etc' for both groups are pretty much a norm now in Karachi where the tolerance for both ethnic groups seems to have reached a new low so my question is,what are Karachites doing about it ?

Being from a city that is second largest to Karachi and actually being a fan of the city,I cannot help but wonder again and again about this great city which is pretty much in ruins. Karachi is Pakistan's true cosmopolitan city where people from every walks of life are present,living side by side making ends meet for their families only for few senile and notorious goons to hijack the very peace that we Pakistanis yearn for. I hope my brethren in Karachi step up to this great injustice and make these so called "Political actors" finally own this great city. Otherwise 1000+ deaths this year would probably double up next year. Karachi is Mini-Pakistan ,a land of opportunities but seeing how it is faring compared to other cities now,i cannot help but breathe a sigh of mixed emotions wishing others cities dont follow suit to Karachi and that Karachi finally steps up to Pakistan's dream of being next major city of this world that is counted for not its notorious gangs and target killers but immense Economic output that it generates for not just Pakistan but South Asia.

But for now, Karachi suffers and not at the hands of outsiders but by her own inhabitants.

Monday, 4 July 2011

It started with the DAAZURT - It really did !

The above song was created by a very well known Pakistani band "The Unknowns" as they call them in Pakistan when the video surfaced after two decades or so. The song's called "Started with the desert" was made for our bestiee in the whole wide world also known as Saudi Arabia so that we can highlight our great slavery ...oh sorry Friendship with saudis by only mentioning them over and over again in the song . Lyrics are something like this :-

Started with the Daazurt(desert),
came from the desert ,
came in September,


You know all,there are two types of love in my opinion. One is love "Love" and other is hate "Love" and if we were to correlate it with International stage where Bilateral diplomatic(well most of the times) relations are shown at their best then I cannot help but come up with this that our country Pakistan, the Great Islamic Republic of Pakistan may very well be involved in love "Love" relationship with Saudis. Basically we are those "Bahus" who do not get anything from their "Susraal" and Husband in particular but we still do it ALL WE CAN for them in return. But the best part of this relationship is that in most cases it tends to be successful and yes even after all sorts of problems,we still produce crap load of children for them,I mean SERIOUSLY we do ! The bachas in our case are Jihadis as we imported the best from them,even trained them just like a good mother,gave them perks and in the end our love was not enough and got 'Tight chittrs' in return by our very own children.

You know why we love Saudis so much is because having a 'bad' relationship with them will almost cost us our perks,the oil and perhaps bit of an aid as well .Wahabis may even brand us 'Heretics' for all we know since we do have religious minorities of all kinds equally taking part in military and civilian establishment but why would we want to destroy our "Pyar bhara,bachon se bhara,chittrs se bhi bhara" pyar with them ? because we Pakistanis are "Thekedaars" and we have taken "Theka" for Islam as well which by the way emanated from Arabia as well.

*SIGH* When will we ever learn ? Our relationship is an embarrassment in it self. May Lord give us wisdom to step up and ask for Divorce and truly then can we save our dear "Bahu" called Pakistan.

Grand Alliance or Grand rhetoric ?

So MQM have left the government AGAIN but this time out of 'Waseeh Tar mufaad' of Pakistan. I for one actually welcome this since they're hoping to join hands with their arch rivals, the mighty Sher e Punjab Mian sahib's PML-N and for what ? to ouster a current government which quite frankly have done nothing for the people or the country.

But BUT what do people get out of this "Waseeh tar mafad" other than sheer hypocrisy which by the way have always been the case. And how did MQM and PML-N reach this stage anyway. No,its not due to misery of the people as people do not and never matter but our El'Presidente's "Molvi-Rant" and of course "AJK-election" for Nawaz Sharif and MQM respectively.

Even though I support their choice but I do not get it either. Why do these senile politicians think it makes difference to people if someone blurts out a total crap regarding Mian sahib or Altaf Bhai. Both do not matter for people unless of course You are Mashahidullah Khan or Waseem Akhtar and their usual rants are of course followed by epic rants such as "Teri dash ki dash or Wig lagata hai" but we shall see what comes out of this alliance. I hope this does not pave way for another Khakis ruling us.

Time will tell us if MQM and PML did the right thing over this so-called Alliance but in order to make a true difference which they should have done it by now, by leaving the government and actually acting like Opposition long ago respectively but for now ,all I see is just another rhetoric by Muttahida Qalabazi Movement and Mian sahib's impotent Babar Shers.

In the end, Khappay-Brigade matters for now as they sit in the lap of establishment sucking the blood of a commoner through revenge that is called democracy !

Sunday, 3 July 2011

My two cents on Ethnic nationalism

There is NOTHING,yes nothing wrong with ethnic nationalism and pride associated with it. Being from a country where there are different ethnic groups residing side by side will eventually lead you in an awkward position of finally able to accept others but who would do that ? Not many because if you're talking about your own ethnic group,your own culture and traditions so for most of them you're branded racist but here is the main question ; who do they brand them racists just because of a simple pride that is harmful ?

I am from Punjab and I think my culture,language and traditions are wonderful so 'technically' no one should have any problem and to make it icing on the cake,i think others are equally welcomed in learning more about my culture but how many would appreciate the opportunity to learn something new ? what puts them in a position to judge me on 'racist' terms just because i am a proud Punjabi. Reminds me of a political party that pretty much does the same. Oh wait,have I gone too far ? Not really,its just a truth and most of the times,it hurts !!

It is time we OWN our cultures,languages and traditions and save them while we can. We must be proud Punjabis,Pashtuns,Balochs,Seraikis,Sindhis,Kashmiris etc,we MUST own ourselves and truly then would we be able to OWN our dear country Pakistan..