Wednesday, 27 July 2011

The perfect Pakistani 'Political Biryani'

Yes,I love food and especially Biryani but I live in a land where they make 'Biryani' out of everyone as well,the 'political' one. No,no they dont kill people,grind their teeth out,collect gushed blood,add it to rice and pour spices of all sorts and serve it in Balochistan as we're not cannibals and No,i dont intend to make horror movie as well. Instead all it takes are few stupid politicians,khaki goons,political connoisseurs,Islamists, The agencies, imported ministers, jangling media,big headed bureaucracy and good for nothing Judiciary. All these ingredients make perfect Pakistani Political Biryani.

Its tasty according to Khakis,agencies and Islamists,sour according to bureaucracy,media and connoisseurs,bitter according to politicians, judiciary and for the people ? well its just another biryani spoon fed to them for their 'supposed' betterment and it works well for us as we sleep tight without caring about anything or anyone. We truly love this Biryani.

Now about Ingredients:-

4 table spoon worth of military coups by Khakis.
countless table spoon worth of shenanigans by Agencies.
few table spoon worth of stupidity by judiciary and politicians.
retardedness by  media and political connoisseurs
Huge amount of spice added by Islamists.

All the ingredients are so important that one or two not added may result in 'better' Pakistan,could easily get rid of the effects of other ingredients as well but we dont want that,we want perfect 'political' biryani hence we look at how these ingredients work their way out for "Chat pata" political biryani.Khakis add a flavor of coups after crapload of stupidity shown by politicians who frankly dont know how to run the country but khakis are not different,they change the taste of biryani so much that one would puke. Khakis says 'If you dont puke,you are insulting our biryani' and hence politicians ,few retarded political connoisseurs end up in oven or in other words jail as these senile connoisseurs and politicians make our biryani very tasty for Islamists as they work with Khakis in introducing a very unique taste that ends up killing people a lot as they add a very sour and perhaps bit bitter spice as well known as religion into it.In the end there is another Ingredient as Bureaucracy and media add a very reactionary taste to spices added by Khakis  only for them to end up being out of control and never really improving any image of Pakistan or our biryani.

Our biryani looks ugly,it taste suck to be very honest but we love it as it represents every Pakistani from inside out. Its the world's only Biryani that no one wants to take a bite from because we are that much effective. So let us rejoice again and again as we continue to make an awfully 'brilliant' biryani,serve it to Pakistanis and to the world as we truly suck just like our final product, half eaten ,lacking in substance with too many cooks spoiling the broth but worthy of making others puke :)


  1. Lol.... spot on with the sarcasm! A rather enjoyable read depicting a real sad state of affairs in Pakistan.

  2. Thank you Danya jee :) It is funny,yes but depicts the sad state of affairs of our country,the system and the people - I just wish we improve one day :\

  3. loool u have a keen sense of humor brotha
    i likes.

  4. Really amazing dude. Keep bringing more to the menu :)

  5. Why Biryani? Why couldn't it be 'Qadoo gosht'? You just dissed my favorite dish, man.

  6. Haaye :( Because Biryani is supposed(AND is) to be a great and delicious dish but ofcourse one "hera pheri" could lead to "Jali hui and faarig" biryani ,HENCE Pakistan too being unique and amazing ended up like that with shit load of "hera pheri" :s

    LoL,I love my correlation skills :P

  7. Waise IMO Pulao is better than Biryani but oh well,If I were to give you any treat ever...It'll be Qadoo Gosht,YES :P

  8. Next time you swindle a picture from the internet, use one which is from Pakistan & not from UAE!! That is a picture of one of the Royals of UAE hosting a lunch cum dinner party in the desert & it's not biryani either! In fact it was a very delicious traditional arab dish of rich & lamb!! Sadly most of it went to waste as it could not be hauled all the way back to the city to have been distributed to the hungry & had to be discarded in the desert only for the birds & animals to feed upon.